DAWNGUARD (Part 1)

Alright, it took me awhile to get around to it, but I finally began the Dawnguard questline.

Let be begin by saying it took me fucking forever to find the entrance to the fort. On your map it points to some lame looking Vigilants of Stendarr outpost, so I literally spent half a hour wandering around in circles because I couldn’t find the damn place. Turns out you actually have to go through a tiny-ass hidden gap in the mountain to get to Dayspring Canyon, and after a long-ass scenic route you finally arrive to the Fort.

At least it’s pretty.

On the way there you run into some happy-go-lucky and dorky blonde dude named Agmaer whose naïvety…well let’s just say he reminds me of a certain character from a show I watch.

So I walk with him up to the castle, on the way there some orc with a bad ass voice who gives me a crossbow. Being somewhat a bow & arrow freak I kinda turned by nose up to at first, but later seeing that thing in action…wow. Too bad in the beginning bolts are so hard to come by!

He shares my sentiments about the Vigilants as well.

Anyway, get up to the Fort, in the interior is pretty pathetic looking, all dusty and shit, but we meet the leader, Isran and he asks me if I want to kill vampires. I said yes of course, joined the Dawnguard. And the blonde dude? Isran asks what kind of weapon he brought.

Agmaer: “My pa’s axe!” 😀

Isran: …

Isran: (bursts out laughing) “‘My pa’s axe’, Stendarr preserve us.”

Anyway after exploring the fort a bit, I go back to my house to recruit Inigo (who is naked once again, as per usual, I give him a chef’s hat), because well, he’s a pretty good follower, and we set off to find the vampire’s secret hideout place, because apparently them pesky vampires are up to no good! Oh noes!

We arrive at Dimhollow Crypt, and well…it’s not that special compared to other crypts (besides being swarmed with vampires)…at least it looks like that until I enter a large room with two chatty vampires in the middle. Naturally, I kill them with my crossbow, and end up playing with some pillars and shit starts to glow.

The fucking is going on here?

TBH I thought I was gonna get teleported or would have to fight an uber vampire or something (completely forgetting the trailer for Dawnguard all those years ago hahaha), but nope, a bit stone casket pops up from the middle of the floor all of a sudden and look what pops out! A pretty lady!

Oh oh sexy vampire!

So lo and behold a women appears, awoken from her sleep. She introduces herself as Serana, daughter of an ancient vampire lord, and asks me how long she’s been out. She doesn’t even know who the former High King of Skyrim is, so it’s been a long, long time. I noticed she had an Elder Scroll, which usually spells trouble, haha. Serana asks me to take her back to her home, Castle Volkihar.

No problem…I guess. Not sure I wanted to do that, considering her family is a bunch of super old vampires, and Inigo and I…well, we’d probably make a decent meal. So we reluctantly agreed and went to exit the Crypt, and we’re fucking ambushed by…gargoyles?! The fuck?!

Thankfully they weren’t hard to kill, but what I did find challenging was finding my way out, holy shit it took me a good 20 minutes to find the fucking lever, and my character was extremely fatigued (I have the Realistic Needs mod on), so I kept fucking yawning the whole time which was really annoying.

Anyway, we finally get out, and have to head to Solitude as it’s the closest way to get to this castle. Problem is when I fast traveled there, a FUCKING DRAGON appears, and a WEREWOLF, and for some GODDAMN UNKNOWN REASON TWO SOLITUDE GUARDS KEPT ATTACKING ME. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A BOUNTY WHAT THE FUCK.

Also I finally got the air swimming glitch.

So, naturally I died. Fast traveled away for awhile to fuck around somewhere else, came back, same dragon+werewolf+guard nonsense. I ran away to Dragonsbridge because I don’t have time for that shit, and a guard runs up and tells me I’m under arrest. I was planning on riding away on my horse but I accidently clicked pay the fine, so not only did I get transported back to Solitude jail, I also lost all my goddamn money. Thanks.

After that bullshit, we went the road by the ocean since the other way is completely fucked (yes the damn dragon was STILL there), stopping a few times to warm up (I also have Frostfall installed…more on that later).

I like that Serana rides an undead horse along with mine and Inigo’s regular horses (I love the Convenient Horses mod). Very lore friendly, not to mention bad ass looking.

We finally arrive to this open barren beach area, and I see the castle in the distance. Unfortunately by this time I was severely dehydrated, and the only thing to drink was sea water…which doesn’t help in the slightest. Being a little pressed for time, I hopped around some stone ruins. Serana had explained earlier there was a boat that would take us to Volkihar, but in my head I was expecting a fucking ship, and I couldn’t see a ship. So I wasted time swimming around until I found this tiny, pathetic looking rowboat, and mentally slapped myself upside the head for being so stupid. I’m not sure how all three of us fit on that thing but we got on and arrived shortly after to Castle Volkihar.

To be honest, the outside wasn’t that impressive looking, so I was a bit disappointed. We went in, met with a bit of resistance until they noticed I had Serana with me.

We enter a large, open room with a shit ton of vampires sitting at tables drinking blood and…wait a sec.

Is that a chunk of human flesh?!

I thought these guys were vampires, not members of Namira’s cult. Wow.

So while I was staring at the moaning victim on the table, Lord Harkon comes up behind me and begins to speak.

Harkon: “Thanks for bringing back my daughter.”

Me: “No problem…uh nice place you got here…pleasedonteatme.”

So after we introduce ourselves, he asks me what I think this place is.

So…ancient cannibal vampires? Cool.

Even though I basically insulted him, he offers me a chance to become one of them, a huge, ugly bat demon vampire abomination, which looks sick as shit.

One of us! One of us! One of us!

Now, at the time I was Skyping with a friend of mine, and I was relaying the events over to her as I played. As I was going over the pros and cons of which side to join (Vampires or Dawnguard, huskies or ugly dogs, etc.), I guess Harkon became an impatient little bitch as he FUCKING CHOSE FOR ME.

Harkon: “So be it! Never return!”

Me: (gets teleported away)

…

Me: (outside the castle with Inigo and Serana) “…Guess I’ll go fuck myself.”

Welp, Dawnguard it is, then.

…I always wanted a husky anyway.

(Image Credits: UESP Wiki (first picture only), all other screen shots taken by me. Please do not repost without permission.)