Posts Tagged ‘FUS RO DAH’

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Top 10 Dragon Shouts

July 31, 2015

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Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve done a top 10 list of anything, so I’d figure a list for the best and most useful shouts (in my opinion) was an order. Of course, this ranking is pretty loose, I tried setting them in order but like most gameplay elements shouts have more usefulness depending on the situation.

Also mild spoilers.

Anyway, let’s get to it!

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Japhet’s Faulty

July 13, 2012

Oh my god is this quest ever glitchy. Geez.

I came across this quest (Rise in the East) by accident, actually. It was just basically a standard game of fetch, help out some guy by getting some proof of these pirates helping someone else, get into a bar fight (always fun), then go on a ship to some god-forsaken freezing block of ice floating in some river, and kill said pirates. Woo.

So basically, when I got off the boat, I was told to go kill a wizard because he was making fog and everyone else is apparently too much of a wuss to go into the fog themselves. Geez, where have I heard this before? 😛

So off I go, Iida or Ilda or whatever her name is, hopping (well…more like sneak rolling) over some ice blocks to get to this mysterious island in the fog. Woo.

When we finally get there, I snipe a Blood Horker (the pirates) and all hell breaks loose.

“O-DAH-VIING!” I scream as I promptly get a fireball in the face.

Odahviing did not come.

What.

The.

Fuck?

I respawned, and tried again. I got close enough to actually get ONTO the island…but I couldn’t. I couldn’t find a way up. What?

Then I took a fireball to the face.

GODDAMN MAGES URGGH.

New plan!

Swim around the island…maybe there’s a back entrance or something?

So as I’m swimming…I change the camera angle below myself…just looking around, doing what a swimming Dovahkiin does…

…Then I realize I need to come up for air…

So I swim up.

And up.

And up.

And even higher up.

Above the water.

Above the shore.

Almost to the top of the mountain.

…Wait, what?!

I look down below me as I’m floating in invisi-water, and see the shore below.

HOW AM I SWIMMING?!

I’M SWIMMING IN MID-AIR, WHAT.

Like this, only in like…a crapper, more annoying location.

Oh, Skyrim, you.

Taking full advantage of this, I use it to swim around to this ledge behind the fortress on the island. I sneak on.

Sneak, sneak.

FUCKING MAGE APPEARS, FUCK.

“O-DAH-VIING!!”

No Odahviing.

GODDAMN IT, YOU STUPID FLYING RED DRAGON, WHERE ARE YOU?!

I die.

This goes on several more times, with me using the swimming glitch, until somehow, magically, I manage to FUS-RO-DAH! that goddamn fucking mage off the cliff. The rest of the bandits went down pretty easy.

Until I came across one swimming.

SWIMMING IN THE AIR.

IN FRONT OF ME.

I stepped in front of her, confused.

I start swimming, too.

Having a better idea, I back away and hit her in the head with my Daedric Battleaxe.

That was easy.

Then I swim away to the tower.

Swimming in the air…

~~

Fast forward to the end of the mission, I’m getting bombarded by fireballs.

“FUCK–” (KABOOM) “–WHERE THE HELL–” (BOOM) “ARE THESE GODDAMN FIREBALLS–” (BOOOM) “–COMING FROM?!” I go back to the captain of the ship who brought me here.

“Sorry about the fireballs, gotta make sure all the bandits are dead. Hope you didn’t get hit by any. We wanna destroy this island.”

COULDN’T YOU HAVE FUCKING WAITED UNTIL I GOT BACK TO THE BOAT? I HELPED YOU GUYS.

NPC LOGIC RIGHT THERE, FOLKS.

And then I only get paid $1500 for doing this mission.

POCKET CHANGE.

Oh well, another (glitchy) quest bites the dust.

Even though I was the one eating fireballs.

(Image Credits: UESP Wiki, Unknown)

(Can you tell I haven’t been very inspired to write lately? :P)

(EDIT: Oh, apparently if you fast-travel back to Japhet’s Folly, you get stuck there, just like if you return to Misty Grove in the quest A Night To Remember. Fix this, Bethesda!! …I might have missed something. XP)

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Mini Post: Malacath’s Wrath

June 28, 2012

(I rhymed there. You like that?!)

So about a week ago, I was venturing across Riften (mostly on and off as a werewolf, faster traveling FTW), looking for adventure between filling various mini-quests. I stumbled across Largashbur. The first time I came across it, a giant was attacking and there was this orc mage throwing ice spikes into his face. I decided to help her out, and together we took down the giant.

…After I picked its toe, I went back to the stronghold and tried to enter. It was was locked. So, I tried to talk to their lookout.

Nothing.

I jumped up and down.

Nothing.

I thought of putting an arrow into her face to see if that could grab her attention…but on second thought, a whole tribe of orcs coming after me wasn’t exactly…the most appealing idea. o____o

Let me, let me in! Or I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll fucking FUS RO DAH your door down.

So, I did what every good adventuring Dovahkiin does.

I left that fortress of solitude without another word.

Bad ass-ly.

…Hold on a sec, this story has more to it.

I ended up back there a few hours later on another random misc. quest. This time, I ended up in the mountains ABOVE the orc camp. Looking down, I shouted my Ethereal shout and jumped, hoping it wouldn’t wear off before I hit the bottom.

“AAAHHHHH!!” I screamed and landed by the blacksmith’s hut.

No one seemed to notice.

I snuck around and rolled like the stealthy-bad ass I was, and came up behind the mage.

“Boo,” I whispered.

Atub: (doesn’t afraid of anything) “Giants have been attacking here because we’re cursed. Please save us, whoever you are.”

“I’m the mighty DOVAHKIIN!!”

“Just shut up and help.”

“K.”

“Bring me some troll fat and a Daedra heart.”

“ALREADY GOTS IT, HUZZAH!!”

She didn’t look to thrilled. But then again, orcs usually don’t look that thrilled about anything.

QUEST STARTED: THE CURSED TRIBE

After interviewing several unhelpful orcs, I talked to the chief.

…And he was a pussy.

No wonder you all are cursed.

Doomed.

Forever.

Pussy.

Orc Chief: “Blah blah blah.”

So we all go out after much convincing for Chief Yamarz to take part, and the mage/priestess starts talking to Malacath at the shrine.

“OH MIGHTY MALACATH, ANSWER OUR CALL, I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID DURING THIS CUTSCENE, BUT COME TALK TO US.”

Silence.

Orc Chief: “I knew this was a waste of time. I’m gonna go sleep some moar.”

All of a sudden, a booming voice comes down from the sky…

“YOU WEAK, PATHETIC MORTALS.”

Orc Mage: “Malacath speaks!!” =O

“AND YOU, CHIEF YAMARZ, ARE A PATHETIC PUSSY WHO IS NOT FIT TO LEAD THIS TRIBE.”

Yamarz: “…I’m…not a pussy.”

“SO I CURSED YOU ALL. HAHAHA.”

…Meanwhile, I’m kinda waiting for something awesome to happen, or be told do more objectives, because let’s face it, how often do you do a quest where you just TALK? Not very often, at least not with orcs. They prefer talking with their fists, kinda similar to how Nords do.

Anyway, Malacath continues his tirade.

“YOU ARE ALL WEAK, PATHETIC LITTLE PUSSIES. I’M SO ANGRY I COULD–”

And then a flash of lightning. And the world was plunged into darkness.

The power went out at my house.

Malacath’s rage was so hard, he killed the power.

Damn, that’s a pretty strong Daedra.

And that was that.

(Image Credits: UESP Wiki)

(…Yes, I realize this post was pretty pointless. Perhaps I’ll finish writing about this quest later. The ending was pretty funny. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow.)

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DAWNGUARD

May 6, 2012

Every time I see this…I look into Dovahkin’s eyes…and Skyrim’s Main Theme starts playing in my head. Ooooooohhhhh OoooohHH OOOHH OOOOHHHHH!!!! …GODDAMN IT!!

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one excited about this. I’ve been pretty much checking Bethesda’s blog every other day for the past two weeks hoping to hear of some DLC, something, and finally…

(in Cicero’s voice) A little, teeny, tiny teaser…

😀

Now, I know a whole lot of people are bitching about the 360 having the exclusivity for the first month or so, but you know what, this was pretty much common knowledge even before the game came out. Look at this way, PC users:

-You have a never-ending supply of mods. Hush.

PS3 users:

-Well, you guys have been short-changed enough now, but think of it this way…maybe when it comes out on your console all the bugs and shit will be all ironed out (hopefully…you know how Bethesda games are at launch…buggy as hell!!)

I have a 360, so I’m not going to complain. Even if I didn’t get the DLC first (which actually, I probably won’t buy it at launch anyway…I can’t, unless they do a physical disc, as I don’t have LIVE), I still had enough adventuring and dragon-ass kicking to tide me over in the meantime.

I am curious to what it’s actually about. Hopefully it’s an epic, EPIC expansion, like they did with Oblivion (which I never really got into, Shivering Isles, I mean, just haven’t gotten to it)…but I hope you don’t have to start a new game to fully take advantage of new features and things…):

Some people are speculating the glow-y eyes are vampire-esque…maaaybe. Dunno how it would work with the werewolf players, though. Or it could be the souls of the dragon the Dovahkiin has absorbed…maybe you get some new storyline with that? I mean, you only need so many dragon souls to unlock shouts, after which, they become pretty useless…I’d like to see Bethesda do something with that…more epic than the souls-to-perks PC mod…Hmmmm…

I keep thinking though:

Dawn:

Dawnstar, Mythic Dawn

Guard:

A fort. For some reason I think of forts, lol.

DAWNGUARD.

Sounds epic.

I can’t wait.

COME ON, HURRY UP E3!!

😛

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(Mini) Mini Post: Most Overused (and Annoying) Lines in Skyrim

April 30, 2012

(Image Credit: Esthin @ TerrariaOnline forums.)

“Been to the Cloud District often? What am I saying? Of course you haven’t.”

I’m Balgruuf’s best friend. Fuck off.

“Think of doing any mercenary work? I think it might suit you.”

Thanks, I got think I got the message the first 600 times you’ve said it.

“…You…look a bit pale. Are you feeling alright?”

God, in the beginning of my first playthrough this never stopped. NEVER STOPPED. Until one day it did. So weird…o____O

“I am SWORN to carry your burdens…”

And this is why I dumped Lydia. Off a mountain.

“My cousin is out fighting dragons. And what
do I get? Guard duty.”

(cough)

Are all my followers sick or something or just bored? Maybe next time I’ll just leave them in Blackreach. See if they’re bored then. >:D

“I AM AN APPRENTICE WIZARD, NOT A PACK
MULE!!”

Yes, I know, Marcurio. That’s why we love you, you little pack mule, you. ❤

“Wait…I know you.”

OH SH–

“You there. Stop shouting. It’s making
people nervous.”

OH YEAH? TAKE MY FUS RO DAH, BITCH!!

“DOVAHHHKIIIIN.”

“Loyal Cicero lives to serve.”

“I work for Belathor, in the general goods shop.”

I DON’T CARE.

“Need something?”

“M’aiq is done talking.”

Nooooo!! TALK MOAR!! D:

“Laa dee daa, tee hee hee~!!”

…I kind of miss this now, actually…:/

(bark)

For gods sake, why couldn’t you just be quiet like Dogmeat was?!

“I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the–“

FUS

RO

DAH!!

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Mini Post: 50 Armed Assassins, 5 Dragons, 3 Broken Quests, 2 Daedra Princes and 1 Magic Ninja later…

February 19, 2012

Thought I’d just give a little update here.

So, I managed to break…3 quests in my second playthrough (with my Khajiit assassin character). Two rather unimportant things, and one quest I actually fixed, but yeah, now I actually know why people find these things so annoying.

While I was waiting for nightfall for a certain Civil War quest, I decided to visit Winterhold and see if I could find someone selling some illusion spells. Well…apparently you don’t get any if you don’t join the College. So, reluctant as I was, I did the test to gain entry, and met with Mirabelle Ervine, who was going to give me a tour of the place.

Then out of nowhere, our friends the dovah appeared out of nowhere and attacked. All the mages went nuts, and the dragon went down pretty easily. With a sigh, I turned back to Mirabelle.

And this happened.

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Glutton for Punishment

February 12, 2012

It was a cold winter night, as I approached the Imperial soldiers at our rendezvous-point upon my steed Shadowmere. I dismounted, and Lydia finally caught up to join us. We were about to storm into Fort Dunstad.

For the Empire! (Nevermind the fact I'm in the Dark Brotherhood and well upon my way to ultimately assassinate the Emperor...Oh, the irony!)

We took out the archers with ease, and stormed into the battle grounds. The fight was bloody, blades flying from both Stormcloaks and Imperials.

Sure, pull out your mace when I get close. Just stand still and take it, cheater.

When it finally was all over, I started looting the bodies for arrows and helmets before I skipped over to find Lydia, so she could be my storage container.

“Lydia? Where’d you go?” I called as the Imperials patrolled their newly acquired fort.

“Lydia…?”

And right there, between a dead Imperial and a dead Stormcloak, was a very dead Lydia.

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