Archive for November, 2015

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Fallout 4 – First Impressions (Part 1)

November 30, 2015

Fallout 4_20151127183540

Alright, so I caved this Black Friday and bought myself a PS4. And of course, Fallout 4.

Now of course the first thing I’m gonna do when I get home is set up that system and pop that disc in, and I eagerly awaited for it to install, despite having no idea how to use the PS4’s system. Oh well.

Of course I had to sit through the entire S.P.E.C.I.A.L video series, but hey I didn’t mind.

“War…war never changes.”

Here we go.

“When my great-grandfather fought in World War II…”

Wait, wait, what? I sat really confused for a few seconds then remembered the game starts in 2077, not in the 1950’s. Derp. I’m a terrible Fallout fan, shame me.

So I sat through that but got distracted by cat so I didn’t catch most of it. Anyway, turns out we’re reminiscing in a foggy bathroom mirror while rubbing our sexy chiseled man-chin (which I took a few minutes to make look aesthetically pleasing, gotta have sexy husbando).

Anyway, I selected to play female, shoving my husband out of the way so I can get to the mirror, and after messing around a bit I ended up making a redhead with freckles, because…why not. I’m sure my husband enjoyed my magically morphing face…it’s amazing what make-up can do nowadays!

Let me say I made my man pretty handsome too. Unfortunately, since I just got the PS4 I only learned about the share button a little while later, so no selfie pics, sorry.

What's better than a robot babysitter?

What’s better than a robot babysitter?

I do like Codsworth. I used to hold the previous notion that Mr.Handys were kinda creepy, but that’s just my mistrust of robots (don’t ask, they just look hella deadly to me). “Hello, Mum. Coffee?” Oh yessss. This is the life.

So let’s talk about this other-enthusiastic Vault sales guy. Good lord he is annoying as hell. “Vault-Tec calling!” (extreme gestures for some reason)

Me: “What do you want?”

Sales guy: “Congratulations! You’ve been selected to enter into our Vault…” –(extreme hand gestures again like there’s a giant sparkling light in the sky and we’re in fucking Hollywood or something)– “VAULT ONE-OH-ONE!”

Me: “That’s nice. Now fuck off.”

Sales guy: “Now I know you’re a busy woman–BUT VAAAAAAAAULTS.”

Me: “Alright, alright. Fine. Sign me up.”

I name myself Ginger…because I’m fucking witty…and tada, got my S.P.E.C.I.A.L. High perception, charisma, and agility. Woo. Finally the annoying man leaves and I turn back to my husband, Nate.

Nate: “It’s a piece of mind.”

Me: “Oh yeah? I was about to give him a piece of my mind.”

So I go play with my baby and he’s cute I guess (why the hell is his name Shaun? Now I’ll never stop thinking about that glitchy ending to Heavy Rain… “SHAAAAAAAAAAUNNNN!”), spin the spinny thing and Codsworth is freaking the fuck out oh great now what.

babby shauuwn

babby shauuwnnn

My TV says bombs fell and of course the bomb alarm goes off–gee wizz, glad we signed up for being Vault dwellers not even five minutes ago! Perfect timing! So Nate grabs the baby and we all start running to the Vault, which also is…convienently set just down the street. Damn we are lucky sons of bitches, aren’t we?

Shut the fuck up. I still think this game is pretty. I played medium-rez vanilla Skyrim for 4 years. This shit is an improvement.

Shut the fuck up. I still think this game is pretty. I played medium-rez vanilla Skyrim for 4 years. This shit is an improvement.

Of course since I wanted to be funny and show my friend what happens when you run the wrong way, you blow up. Yeah, it’s funny the first time but I did it twice, because I have a weird sense of misdirection, so whoops. I do like how the game set the atmosphere for this part, though–it created a sense of urgency as you’re running for your life. The Vault has a gate check of course–found it kinda funny how the Vault salesman got denied–clearly they don’t pay the man enough– “You’ll be hearing from my agent!!” Ehhh considering how me and my fam barely make it in I’m pretty sure he’s a dead guy or a ghoul now, hehehe. IT’S THAT PERFECT TIMING AGAIN.

I swear in real life if an atom bomb went off that close we'd fucked already.

I swear in real life if an atom bomb went off that close we’d fucked already.

So we go down into the Vault and already my skin’s crawling (maybe I’m slightly claustrophobic, or maybe because in every single game Vaults have never been good thing?), and we’re directed into “cleaning pods” to “decontaminate” us from the nuclear detonation. Makes sense, but I’m not a fucking idiot, I don’t think decontamination pods are supposed to be all frozen and drippy. Nevertheless, not having much of a choice I’m strapped in and the thing closes, and I’m left looking at my husband holding my son (why does he have the baby?!), and we all freeze.

…These Vault-tec fuckers. Cryogenic sleep, huh. Fuck you guys.

So I wake up…sorta…and see some people open my husband’s pod. Apparently they want my kid, and the fucking SHOOT MY HUSBAND, I MEAN WAS THAT FUCKING NECESSARY? ASSHOLES.

What’s even worse is that you can’t do shit. Some baldy asshole that shot my son just leaves my dead husband there, takes my baby and gives me the “haha” stare and fucks right off like, “yay, mission accomplished!” Yeah, well, fuck you, you family wrecker. Asshole.

So a little while later (?) I end up unfrozen due to a malfunction in the Vault, but course by the time I get out IO can’t do anything for Nate, he’s fucking dead. I take his wedding ring and swear my revenge on the fuckers that killed him and to find Shaun.

R.I.P. in pieces.

Dead husband popsicle.

I rush through the Vault punching radroaches (fuck those things), find some weak-ass 10mm pistol, and run through till I find the Vault computer and learn that this whole Vault was an experiment to see how long they can leave us in cryo stasis. Gee guys, thanks. I mean you got my consent because YOU FUCKING TRICKED ME. Fuck you, Vault-Tec.

Anyway, I finally find the exit. Now what I like when you leave it plays the Fallout theme, so it feels really epic and you rise to the surface again. That was a nice touch.

…I guess it’s time to see what’s changed.

Next: Returning Home (First Impressions – Part 2)

Image Credits: All screenshots taken by me. Please do not repost with my permission.

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