Posts Tagged ‘Marcurio’

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Mini Post: Early Honeymoon

September 30, 2014

So, after a good few days of adventuring with my hired hand, Marcurio, I decided to put on the Amulet of Mara and give it a shot.

Marcurio: “Is…is that an Amulet of Mara?”

Me: “Yep. You interested in this fine ass of a booty?”

Marcurio: “…You mean, are you interested in my fine ass booty?”

So then we decided to get married.

 

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I’m not going to lie, I’ve married Marcurio before. I have no idea why I like him so much. Maybe because he fights well? Or maybe it’s because he’s Sass Master 3000, I don’t know. Marrying anyone else at this point just feels kinda wrong…

So basically, because I’m an idiot I accepted the marriage quest, but I had nothing to wear besides some shitty Elven armor I found. I decided to go shopping really quick in Solitude, grab some nice fancy ass clothes from Radiant Raiment, because why the fuck not? Of course, I easily got sidetracked.

“Oooh! A circlet with +15% archery!! GOTTA GET DAT SHIT!!”

…Then I ran out of money, but that problem is easily solved by more robbery.

Finally, I bought some shitty fancy clothes for myself, and got an outfit for Marcurio. I have the mod “Amazing Follower Tweaks” or something along that line, so I tried to set Marcurio’s city wear to the nice clothes instead of his usual mage’s robes. Well…that ended up being completely unsuccessful, so I just eventually said “fuck it!” and went to go meet him at the chapel the next day.

 

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The saddest part is, as I walked in to the Temple of Mara…I had two guests. JUST TWO. ONE OF WHOM I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW. Of course Lydia was there, but as I walked up the altar was I was wondering who the fuck this other guy was the entire time.

What a lonely life.

But whatever, the important thing I was getting married!

Seriously, who the fuck is this guy? The stable hand from Whiterun? I don't know.

Seriously, who the fuck is this guy? The stable hand from Whiterun? I don’t know.

Blah blah, Priest goes through the speech. Marcurio’s staring at my beautifulness of course.

Then it’s time to exchange vows.

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Awww. ❤

Then, it was my turn. And at last, we’ll be married.

Priest; “Do you agree to be bound together, in love, now and forever?”

Hell yeah. Of course. I DO!!

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Um.

Uh.

Excuse me, Marcurio.

…Did…did you just unlock an achievement with your penis?!

 

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Uh, thanks?

…I just found out my husband is a exhibitionist. Oh shit–

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Goddamn it, I know wearing armor and battle clothing is taxing after a hard day’s work, but could you wait until we left the temple before we started the honeymoon!?

Marcurio: (walks out of the Temple shameless, in all his glory).

You know what? Fuck it.

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Me: (takes off all my clothes and follows after my naked husband)

Guard:  “Gonna cold tonight, you should at least cover your delicates. Might get a bit nippley.”

…Shit.

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Surviving Legendary Difficulty

July 31, 2014

With a freshly bought Skyrim: Legendary Edition, I loaded the game in anticipation. Finally I could play all the DLCs. Finally, I could mod to my heart’s content. And I could raise the difficulty to the maximum, since Master wasn’t much of a challenge anymore.

Choose your destiny.

Choose your destiny.

I started a new game, quickly making an Imperial woman, named her Lyra, and awoke in a cell. I had installed the mod “Another Life” because I’d be damned if I had to sit through the opening credits for the billionth time (though I did end up accidentally picking it the first time around FFFUUU–) I talked to a statue of Mara, chose my life as a bandit and spawned in the middle of some tundra, wearing just a shitty set of fur armor and wielding a single iron sword. I looked around the bandit camp, unable to find a shield for the life of me. Oh well. Time to get going. Read the rest of this entry ?

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(Mini) Mini Post: Most Overused (and Annoying) Lines in Skyrim

April 30, 2012

(Image Credit: Esthin @ TerrariaOnline forums.)

“Been to the Cloud District often? What am I saying? Of course you haven’t.”

I’m Balgruuf’s best friend. Fuck off.

“Think of doing any mercenary work? I think it might suit you.”

Thanks, I got think I got the message the first 600 times you’ve said it.

“…You…look a bit pale. Are you feeling alright?”

God, in the beginning of my first playthrough this never stopped. NEVER STOPPED. Until one day it did. So weird…o____O

“I am SWORN to carry your burdens…”

And this is why I dumped Lydia. Off a mountain.

“My cousin is out fighting dragons. And what
do I get? Guard duty.”

(cough)

Are all my followers sick or something or just bored? Maybe next time I’ll just leave them in Blackreach. See if they’re bored then. >:D

“I AM AN APPRENTICE WIZARD, NOT A PACK
MULE!!”

Yes, I know, Marcurio. That’s why we love you, you little pack mule, you. ❤

“Wait…I know you.”

OH SH–

“You there. Stop shouting. It’s making
people nervous.”

OH YEAH? TAKE MY FUS RO DAH, BITCH!!

“DOVAHHHKIIIIN.”

“Loyal Cicero lives to serve.”

“I work for Belathor, in the general goods shop.”

I DON’T CARE.

“Need something?”

“M’aiq is done talking.”

Nooooo!! TALK MOAR!! D:

“Laa dee daa, tee hee hee~!!”

…I kind of miss this now, actually…:/

(bark)

For gods sake, why couldn’t you just be quiet like Dogmeat was?!

“I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the–“

FUS

RO

DAH!!

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The Top 10 Characters That Should Have Been Marriable, But Weren’t

April 25, 2012

First off, I apologize for the lack of updates. I’ve been sort of busy in the real world, so I haven’t actually taken a lot of time to actually sit down and play some more Skyrim. And also because I rage quit every time I die a thousand deaths with my stealth character. RAGE.

So, over the past few months, I’ve browsed various websites and forums, and talked to friends and such about marriable NPCs in Skyrim. Most people I’ve noticed actually married Aela, from the Companions. Which, of course, I have no issue with, in fact, she was one of the candidates for my first character as well. But alas, I married Marcurio, one of the NPCs with a bit of a lesser role in the game in terms of quest-wise, but I’m happy with my choice. But, apparently Bethesda missed the marker on a few of these marriage candidate NPCs. Let’s begin the list, shall we?

11. Lydia

Now, this is a special case. When the game first came out, Lydia wasn’t an option for marriage. She was for most people, their first housecarl in the game. She is awarded (heh, I guess I’m making her sound like some kind of item prize or something…XD) to the player once becoming the Thane of Whiterun. Since this is actually a part of the main quest, it isn’t really avoidable. Now, if you’re like me and my second character, I just totally left her in Dragonsreach because I never bothered to purchase Breezehome in Whiterun. For a lot of people, though, she was their first follower, and probably went on a lot of quests with them. She’s completely loyal, stays in your home in Whiterun and protects your things shall you choose to leave her behind. And, if you call on her again, she’ll be at your beck and call, ready to slay anything, be it a bandit or a dragon. After all, she is “sworn to carry your burdens”. For a lot of people, this made her perfect “waifu” material. And why not? She’s a pretty important NPC. For months, people have asked why she isn’t a marriage candidate. Apparently though, when the game was realized, the option for marriage was glitched and never showed up in the dialogue box. For PC gamers, however, this wasn’t too much of a problem as they used console commands. But, anyone on the 360 or PS3 were pretty much screwed. That was, until Bethesda released the latest patch (1.5), and now you can marry Lydia!! Yay!! (Not that I really care all that much, but I know I lot of people out there are pretty happy about that!) :3

The Real List:

10. Carlotta Valentia

To be honest, I was a bit surprised at this one. When she asks you to help her stop Mikael from sexually harassing her, I thought perhaps she’d consider me as a good person that might be appropriate for her to at least TRY to consider romantically. But, then I realized on the other hand, since she already has a kid, and she’s been married before, perhaps she just isn’t really looking for a relationship at the moment, which is fine. I guess it makes the game a bit more realistic that way.

9. Hadvar

Now, I think a lot of people would have just skipped over this guy, mainly because during the first few days of Skyrim being released, I think a lot of people just went with Ralof because he wasn’t apart of the group that was trying to cut your head off. Hadvar’s a nice guy, he seems cool enough, although I guess if you decided to side with the Stormcloaks through the whole Civil War, he’d probably be killed or something, I don’t know…I thought he was pretty decent, but to be honest, he’s a bit too much of a pussy for my tastes…:/

8. Legate Rikke

I just like her. She’s a no-nonsense take charge kind of woman, and I like that. Kind of like Aela, in a sense. She would make a good wife to the Dragonborn, the only thing is, I think she’d be one of the characters I rather not end up converting into the doting housewife. It’s just too out of character for her. It would ruin my image of her (I’m not saying she couldn’t have a tender, loving side somewhere in there…XP). I just think she belongs on the battlefield.

7. Nazir

The only reason why Nazir is on the list is because, let’s face it: he’s a badass motherfucker. Maybe it’s because he’s voiced by the same guy who did Three Dog in Fallout 3, but he’s just so laid back and fucking cool. “Hey, honey. You’re back. You must be hungry I made you some food.” Just imagine that line in his voice. JUST IMAGINE IT.

6. Any Khajiit or Bosmer

Come on, Bethesda. You can marry mer, human, Argonian, but I can’t marry a freaking Khajiit or Bosmer? What if I wanted my Khajiit character to marry a Khajiit? Why did you not include this in the game? I mean, both Kharjo and Khayla are easy options for this if they were included, and this way you’d make everyone happy. Plus people think J’zargo is awesome (which he is), and, like the point I made with Nazir, I’d just like to hear him talk. “J’zargo notices you are back from your adventure. J’zargo did not make any food for you, or clean the house. J’zargo is much more important than that. Perhaps you shall make J’zargo a sandwhich instead, hmmm?” DO IT. But, hey, maybe Khajiit don’t believe in the concept of marriage or something. But to be honest, the exclusion of Bosmer marriage just puzzles me. It’s completely bizarre. WHY?

5. Vex

Vex is a hard gal to please. She’s a member of the Thieves’ Guild and takes her job very seriously, which might be the reason why she appears to be a bit of a bitch. Which makes it a bit more fun to try to woo her. Also, Delvin should stop trying to take peaks of her while she bathes…XD

4. Sapphire

Now, Sapphire is definitely a character I’ve heard a lot of “DO WANT” for marriage. She refuses to tell you her real name, and she’s a tough cookie with a tragic past. Maybe her mistrust of men is part of the reason why you can’t pursue a relationship with her, I don’t know. I did remember reading once somewhere someone said since they couldn’t marry her, they’d leave Sapphires in her house randomly as gifts for her. D’awww.

3. Ralof

Ralof is pretty much the first character you actually meet in the game. He gives you reassuring words before your apparent upcoming death, and he guides you to help the Stormcloaks, should you choose to side with him. He seems like a nice guy, and he’s the one I went with during my first playthrough of escaping Helgen. Ralof’s another character I’ve heard a lot of want for, and he definitely gets a vote from me!

2. Brynjolf

“Lass”. ‘Nuff said.

1. Karliah

Oh my god. Karliah is another freaking badass in this game. She’s a Nightingale, soft-spoken, and just a freaking awesome thief. And she’s pretty hot, too. I’m surprised she’s not a marriage candidate. COME ON, BETHESDA! AT LEAST LET THE OPTION BE THERE AFTER YOU FINISH THE THIEVES’ GUILD QUESTLINE. fdkljgfljkhlkf I have a lady boner for her. Seriously. And I’m not even done the Thieves’ Guild questline yet. NOT EVEN (…but almost…).

And there you have it, that’s my list of characters that are, “What?! You mean I CAN’T marry them?! BALLS!!” Of course, this is just my personal opinion, feel free to share yours.

BONUS:

I forgot to include Irileth. Another badass. But to be honest, I think she has a thing going on with Jarl Balgruuf. But that’s just my opinion.

Special Mentions: Every other hotstuff in the game I can’t remember. Apparently a lot of people like Astrid, Cicero, Skjor, Ancano (?!), etc.. But those you can’t marry for a pretty good reason (quest related, etc). Ondolemar (LOL), Balgruuf… Also that cool Orc follower, that I can’t remember his name. Maybe he is actually good for marriage…I should check…

Image Credits: UESP Wiki

Was there an NPC you wanted to marry, and were disappointed to find out you couldn’t? Who was it? Did you marry a different NPC instead?

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An Elder, An Ancient, A Frost & A Certain Red Dragon

April 12, 2012

Not exactly any of the above, but it pretty much displays an epic dragon-ambush. And I have better armor.

Oh my god.

I just had the most epic dragon moments in the past few days.

Minor spoilers…

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An Eye for an Eye

April 2, 2012

I finally finished the College of Winterhold quests.

Geez, it took awhile.

And they weren’t exactly an interesting bunch of quests, either.

Spoilers for The College of Winterhold questline.

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A Crazy Little Thing Called Love

February 14, 2012

From the one quest in Oblivion I didn’t do…but I thought it was appropriate for this post.

Since it’s Valentine’s Day today, and I’m bored, I figure’d I’d talk a bit about love in some Bethesda games, and the interesting points about them. Yes, there is love there, not the love of killing, or stealing, no, I mean actual person-loves-another-person (or themselves) kind of love.

Minor Spoilers for Oblivion, Skyrim, Fallout 3, and Fallout: New Vegas.

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