Posts Tagged ‘derp’

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Mini Post: The (Not-So-Graceful) Death of Paid Mods

April 28, 2015

So you may or may not have heard earlier this week, Valve tried to introduce a pay-for-mod section in the Skyrim workshop. Of course. there would still be mods that you could download and use for free, but along side that there would be mods with varying degrees of prices–some at a fixed price, others with a “pay-what-you-want” feature. The idea was, according to Bethesda and Valve, was to give mod authors a chance to earn a bit of income with their creative efforts into modding Skyrim.

…Of course this failed miserably on all fronts.

First off, the modding community as a whole felt threatened this would spell the end of free mods. There was a fear that pay for mods would become the new norm. Or perhaps certain mod authors would remove their formally free mods and put them as pay for only. Perhaps free mods would eventually be removed all together…

Then there was the 24 hour guarantee, that if you weren’t satisfied with your purchase, or the mods was broken, you could get a full refund within that time period. But who’s going to know if their recently installed mod is going to conflict with anything right away? Sure, sometimes with mod problems you’d get CTD on launch…but a of the times a conflict isn’t so obvious. It could even sneak right by you until much later, and by that time you’ve gotten the dreaded “corrupted save”. Urgh.

And on top of that, mod authors would only get a 25% pay out for their creations, so even if their mod is $2 they’d only get about 50 cents. Valve gets 35%, and Bethesda gets the remaining 45%. Personally I’m not too upset by this, it is Bethesda’s property, but I’ve read the author only gets paid if there’s a minimum cash out of $100…so a mod has to at least make $400 for it to be profitable. What.

So of course, Valve was spammed with angry messages from the Skyrim community. Bethesda as well, both trying to explain they only wanted to help mod creators, to help encourage the community to grow even more, and to give modders more incentive to keep on creating things for their favourite game. What it ended up looking like was a quick cash grab. “Oh hey, look how crazy popular Skyrim still is, the modding community is still going strong, let’s monetize n that!”

I think what most people would have prefered was a straight “donate” button, or maybe more of a fair split to the mod creator and Valve/Bethesda (maybe a 40/60 split would be good, 40 the modder). But what do I know? The only mods I’ve paid for were official DLC, other than that I’m a cheap ass motherfucker. I wouldn’t buy a mod.

Either way, the paid workshop was promptly removed just a few days later, with an apology from Bethesda and Valve over the whole thing, saying “perhaps this wasn’t the right time, or the right way to introduce paid mods”. You can read Valve’s response, and Bethesda’s here.

Either way, this bit of controversy is behind us. But still, enjoy this video of Skyrim Mods Weekly. It pretty much sums up the community’s response in a less than 10 minute video, with a quite humorous tone.

What’s your opinion on paying for mods?

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Mini Post: Early Honeymoon

September 30, 2014

So, after a good few days of adventuring with my hired hand, Marcurio, I decided to put on the Amulet of Mara and give it a shot.

Marcurio: “Is…is that an Amulet of Mara?”

Me: “Yep. You interested in this fine ass of a booty?”

Marcurio: “…You mean, are you interested in my fine ass booty?”

So then we decided to get married.

 

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I’m not going to lie, I’ve married Marcurio before. I have no idea why I like him so much. Maybe because he fights well? Or maybe it’s because he’s Sass Master 3000, I don’t know. Marrying anyone else at this point just feels kinda wrong…

So basically, because I’m an idiot I accepted the marriage quest, but I had nothing to wear besides some shitty Elven armor I found. I decided to go shopping really quick in Solitude, grab some nice fancy ass clothes from Radiant Raiment, because why the fuck not? Of course, I easily got sidetracked.

“Oooh! A circlet with +15% archery!! GOTTA GET DAT SHIT!!”

…Then I ran out of money, but that problem is easily solved by more robbery.

Finally, I bought some shitty fancy clothes for myself, and got an outfit for Marcurio. I have the mod “Amazing Follower Tweaks” or something along that line, so I tried to set Marcurio’s city wear to the nice clothes instead of his usual mage’s robes. Well…that ended up being completely unsuccessful, so I just eventually said “fuck it!” and went to go meet him at the chapel the next day.

 

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The saddest part is, as I walked in to the Temple of Mara…I had two guests. JUST TWO. ONE OF WHOM I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW. Of course Lydia was there, but as I walked up the altar was I was wondering who the fuck this other guy was the entire time.

What a lonely life.

But whatever, the important thing I was getting married!

Seriously, who the fuck is this guy? The stable hand from Whiterun? I don't know.

Seriously, who the fuck is this guy? The stable hand from Whiterun? I don’t know.

Blah blah, Priest goes through the speech. Marcurio’s staring at my beautifulness of course.

Then it’s time to exchange vows.

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Awww. ❤

Then, it was my turn. And at last, we’ll be married.

Priest; “Do you agree to be bound together, in love, now and forever?”

Hell yeah. Of course. I DO!!

TESV 2014-07-25 23-52-46-06

Um.

Uh.

Excuse me, Marcurio.

…Did…did you just unlock an achievement with your penis?!

 

TESV 2014-07-25 23-52-59-08

Uh, thanks?

…I just found out my husband is a exhibitionist. Oh shit–

TESV 2014-07-25 23-53-02-69

 

Goddamn it, I know wearing armor and battle clothing is taxing after a hard day’s work, but could you wait until we left the temple before we started the honeymoon!?

Marcurio: (walks out of the Temple shameless, in all his glory).

You know what? Fuck it.

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Me: (takes off all my clothes and follows after my naked husband)

Guard:  “Gonna cold tonight, you should at least cover your delicates. Might get a bit nippley.”

…Shit.

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Mini Post: LOOK AT ME!!

August 31, 2013
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Image Source: dorkly.com

Why is that every time you want a character to notice you doing something…they never actually look?!

Lately in between doing the Thieves’ Guild quest (yes I’m still working on that), I’ve been kind of working on and off to get the easy achievements I’m still missing (Pick 50 locks, etc.) I decided to work on the Master Criminal Achievement because why not…it’s the one where you need to get 1000 gold bounty and all nine holds.

Well…I decided to do this on my “good” character. I didn’t want to go on a murderous rampage, and I’m not sure what I can steal that would make an easy 1000 bounty, so I decided to do the next best thing…turn into a werewolf in front of someone.

…Except every time I did it…THEY NEVER FUCKING LOOKED.

I’d walk right up to a guard, they’d look at me sand say. “What. Let me guess. Someone stole your sweetroll?” and I’d be like, “Yeah! And I’m really fucking MAD!!” and go RAWWWR straight into hairy beast mode…Only to find out they looked away during mid transformation, so I didn’t get the bounty for actually being seen. And of course, they happen to turn back after and try to kill me, so I have to flee the city and wait to change back. Super annoying.

…Then I just realized I could just go into a tavern and transform. Even that didn’t always work.

Eventually I thought I got all 9 holds once I transformed in Windhelm.

…Nope.

“WTF!!” I screamed as the achievement was still locked. I checked the stats page…all holds had 1000 gold bounty or more. I wondered if I need to have EXACTLY 1000 in each hold.

…Well turns out the page didn’t list Haafingar (Solitude) for some reason. I traveled to the place, did a little Thieves’ Guild mission before I got in trouble, then burst into the Blue Palace, screamed “LOOK AT ME!!” as I tore off my clothes and grew a lotta hair right in front of the throne room. “I used to be an adventurer like you then I–OH GOD KILL IT!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!”

achievementOf course, let’s just remember all the other times a guard or stupid kid sneaks up behind you just when you’re about to pull off the perfect murder/heist…

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…I should have just FUS RO DAH’d everyone to Oblivion and beyond.

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Top 10 Glitches of Skyrim

July 31, 2013

Here’s a list of my top 10 weird Skyrim glitches, in no particular order. If you’re a player of this game, I’m sure you’ve encountered at least one of them before!

Click each header for video examples (when available)!

Backwards Dragon

omg-is-that-a-backwards-flying-dragon-in-skyrim

Out of all of the glitches on this list, I think this is probably the most infamous one of all. Back around Skyrim’s launch, a lot users reported having dragons flying backwards or just spinning around. Unfortunately, I never got to experience the backwards flying weirdness, but I did get a lot of spinning dragons that disappear into the sky, or swallowed up into mountains.

Sabertooth Cat/Spinning Creatures

sabertooth

This glitch is pretty much like above, except with dead animals or people perhaps being possessed by some supernatural force and throw into the sky. The video linked is probably the funniest example I’ve seen by far. I’ve only had spinning dragons, unfortunately, including Paarthurnax and an Elder dragon.

Naked NPCs

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“Nope, sorry. Nothing.”
You mean your clothes?
(Image Credit: skyrimglitches.tumblr.com)

And no, I’m not talking about completely naked ass and tits. There’s plenty of mods for that.

My sister, who doesn’t play Skyrim much told me once she was exploring around Winterhold, saw three naked men come over the horizon. What. I swear Nords must never feel the cold, but their nipples must be forever rock hard, wow. Marcurio pulled the same stunt on me, running up behind me with nothing but a dragon priest mask on.

Me: “OH BY THE DIVINES MARCURIO YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! …Wait, why are you naked? WHERE IS ALL THE SHIT I GAVE YOU?”

Marcurio: “I AM AN APPRENTICE WIZARD, NOT A PACK MULE!”

Me: “DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD DROP ALL MY SHIT, JACK ASS!”

And then there’s the naked courier, they bring you the fan mail…and the fan service. Where does he pull the letters from? From between his butt cheeks, of course!

Secret Chests AKA “Do Not Delete”

(Image Credit: twiz60 @ SkyrimNexus)

(Image Credit: twiz60 @ SkyrimNexus)

More of an exploit than a glitch. Apparently if you carry a plate or other kind of object and run at certain walls in just the right angles you can break into a secret room, sparsely decorated sans chest in the middle of the floor. There’s a few more things that involve some weird glitching out to get to, apparently they’re merchant chests used by the developers and not meant to be reachable by normal means.

Moving Mannequins

Image Credit: The Elder Scrolls Wiki

(Image Credit: The Elder Scrolls Wiki)

Probably the creepiest of the bunch, is the moving mannequins in Riften. If you bought Honeyside and been in the cellar, you’ve probably experienced it before. If you leave the house and come back, the mannequins tend to move on their own and reappear in odd places, almost like someone broke in and moved them or they have some sort of life of their own…

Back from the Dead

"I'm back from the dead and you still haven't proven your puny ass yet, whelp." (Image Source: UESP Wiki)

“I’m back from the dead and you still haven’t proven your puny ass yet, whelp.”
(Image Source: UESP Wiki)

Skjor is most infamous of all for this glitch. If you’ve done the Companions story, you know he dies near the beginning of the quest line. Problem is…he doesn’t seem to stay dead. You can usually find him wandering Skyrim with various members of the Companions, like nothing happened to him at all. For me, when he came back to life he moved by lying face down and sliding along the ground. Probably one of the strangest (and amusing) glitches I’ve ever encountered.

Facelessness

I’ve never encountered this glitch but apparently you can trigger it by donning the arch mage robes and wearing a dragon priest mask. Not exactly game breaking, but amusing none the less. If you’re on PC, a simple google search should yield you a fix if it bothers you that much.

Swimming in the Air

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Sometimes, when you get tired of trekking around Skyrim on foot or horse…you just gotta try something new. How about swimming, on land? Apparently the swimming animation can trigger randomly, usually around bodies of water. I’ve encountered this glitch myself, but in my case, while amusing it was actually quite helpful!

Lydia’s Favourite Chair

"Tell him to get the fuck outta my chair!"

“Tell him to get the fuck outta my chair!”

I’m not quite sure if they patched this recently (probably), but this glitch annoyed me so much that I moved out of Whiterun just because I was so tired of Lydia’s “Welcome back, my Thane” while she ate bread and watched me sleep. Excuse me, don’t you have your own damn room?! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS IN THAT CHAIR?! IT’S SO GODDAMN CREEPY!

Spinning Horse & Cart

A glitch on this list that’s actually game breaking, but still hilarious to see. Too bad it happens so early in the game you don’t even get to play. It was quickly patched soon after launch, but this video sums it up pretty well. I still laugh every time.

Special Mentions

Horse tricks – Random encounters of people standing on horses.
Falling through the floor – It happens.
Disappearing houses.
Missing textures.
Glowing eyes – Super annoying in first person, it’s a permanent glitch encountered occasionally after using Aura Whisper. Not sure if it ever got patched, hope it did.
NPCs ignoring you and not triggering missions. – Super annoying, usually fixable by loading an earlier save, or killing an enemy nearby.
Enemies not attacking you, even when you’re right in front of them.
Water hates you – PS3 players, you no doubt remember this. Everytime you entered a body of water, the game crashed.
Shadowmere/Frost/Horses disappearing.
Louis Letrush duplicating himself just outside of Whiterun.
Getting stuck in unusual places. – It happens, especially on rocky terrain. Usually you need to reload an earlier save!

There’s plenty more glitches in Skyrim, after all, this is a Bethesda game, but these are the ones that stood out most to me. Let me know in the comments which ones you’ve experienced, and which are your favourites! 🙂

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Short, But Not So Sweet

August 28, 2012

So, about a week ago, I was walking along near Windhelm, where I somehow lost my follower Illia along the way. Thinking nothing of it, I continue on, knowing she’ll probably catch up eventually.

I spotted Aela in the distance, fighting a mammoth. Deciding to help her out like a good shield-sister does, we slay the beast together.

Then this happened.

What.

What…

WHAT IS THIS, I DON’T EVEN–

After they go fight a bunch of horkers, I reload a slightly earlier save in fear that this massive glitch might have fucked things up somewhere else. Apparently, it didn’t.

About a hour and a half later with Illia, slaying dragons and shit, I relax in the Windhelm bar. Which by the way…I’m not exactly sure if this only happens in my game or not, but the barmaid…sings an interesting interpretation of “Age of Oppression”…

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

“We drink to our youth, and to days come and gone. For the age of oppression is now nearly done.
“We’ll drive out the Empire from this land that we own. With our blood and our steel we will take back our home.
“Down with Ulfric the killer of kings. On the day of your death we’ll drink and we’ll sing.”

Wait–WHAT?!

“We’re the children of Skyrim, and we fight all our lives. And when Sovngarde beckons, every one of us dies!”

Err, okay. And apparently it wasn’t a fluke because she did it again. I kind of like it though, it’s like a defiant Dunmer thing against the Stormcloak racists, it’s her own way of saying “fuck you” to them in her own sneaky way. Chick’s got some balls, yo.

Anyway, I later punched a racist in the face (I wanted to blow off some steam), and then got arrested. Big deal, traveled out again upon my newly owned horse (yes…I bought another one).

After a big raid in a mining cave, I turn to Illia to give her my loot. I opened her inventory…

Then nothing.

NOTHING.

WHAT THE SHIT, WHERE IS MY STUFF, WOMAN?!?

So I rage quit’d and reloaded the save.

No change. Same damn thing.

GODDAMN IT.

…And I haven’t played since.

😦

Image Credit: UESP Wiki
Video Credit: Myself

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Took an Arrow to the Knee

July 31, 2012

Really, Bethesda & M-Soft? REALLY?!

…Okay, okay. Old meme is old. And I didn’t actually take an arrow in the knee.

Just a quick post here…I haven’t really bothered playing Skyrim for awhile, hence why this blog has been kind of silent for the past few days (weeks). What I have done, was picked up Oblivion again on the PC, disabled a few of the mods, and tried it out for a bit to see if it would crash. It didn’t, so yay!! 😀

I’ll probably be playing a bit more of that in the coming weeks. Eventually, I will get Dawnguard, but that might be more into the fall, and by then, I assume most of you who read this blog on a regular will have already played a lot of the add-on. Oh well.

I’ve also been getting more into drawing/writing in these past couple of days, so I might post a short fanfic or two over on my Skyrim Fanfiction blog, which is here, at: A Dream of Sovngarde. I’ll also notify people here when/if something gets posted.

Sorry for the pathetic post. Hopefully this next month I’ll have something more prepared!!

Until then! 🙂

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Japhet’s Faulty

July 13, 2012

Oh my god is this quest ever glitchy. Geez.

I came across this quest (Rise in the East) by accident, actually. It was just basically a standard game of fetch, help out some guy by getting some proof of these pirates helping someone else, get into a bar fight (always fun), then go on a ship to some god-forsaken freezing block of ice floating in some river, and kill said pirates. Woo.

So basically, when I got off the boat, I was told to go kill a wizard because he was making fog and everyone else is apparently too much of a wuss to go into the fog themselves. Geez, where have I heard this before? 😛

So off I go, Iida or Ilda or whatever her name is, hopping (well…more like sneak rolling) over some ice blocks to get to this mysterious island in the fog. Woo.

When we finally get there, I snipe a Blood Horker (the pirates) and all hell breaks loose.

“O-DAH-VIING!” I scream as I promptly get a fireball in the face.

Odahviing did not come.

What.

The.

Fuck?

I respawned, and tried again. I got close enough to actually get ONTO the island…but I couldn’t. I couldn’t find a way up. What?

Then I took a fireball to the face.

GODDAMN MAGES URGGH.

New plan!

Swim around the island…maybe there’s a back entrance or something?

So as I’m swimming…I change the camera angle below myself…just looking around, doing what a swimming Dovahkiin does…

…Then I realize I need to come up for air…

So I swim up.

And up.

And up.

And even higher up.

Above the water.

Above the shore.

Almost to the top of the mountain.

…Wait, what?!

I look down below me as I’m floating in invisi-water, and see the shore below.

HOW AM I SWIMMING?!

I’M SWIMMING IN MID-AIR, WHAT.

Like this, only in like…a crapper, more annoying location.

Oh, Skyrim, you.

Taking full advantage of this, I use it to swim around to this ledge behind the fortress on the island. I sneak on.

Sneak, sneak.

FUCKING MAGE APPEARS, FUCK.

“O-DAH-VIING!!”

No Odahviing.

GODDAMN IT, YOU STUPID FLYING RED DRAGON, WHERE ARE YOU?!

I die.

This goes on several more times, with me using the swimming glitch, until somehow, magically, I manage to FUS-RO-DAH! that goddamn fucking mage off the cliff. The rest of the bandits went down pretty easy.

Until I came across one swimming.

SWIMMING IN THE AIR.

IN FRONT OF ME.

I stepped in front of her, confused.

I start swimming, too.

Having a better idea, I back away and hit her in the head with my Daedric Battleaxe.

That was easy.

Then I swim away to the tower.

Swimming in the air…

~~

Fast forward to the end of the mission, I’m getting bombarded by fireballs.

“FUCK–” (KABOOM) “–WHERE THE HELL–” (BOOM) “ARE THESE GODDAMN FIREBALLS–” (BOOOM) “–COMING FROM?!” I go back to the captain of the ship who brought me here.

“Sorry about the fireballs, gotta make sure all the bandits are dead. Hope you didn’t get hit by any. We wanna destroy this island.”

COULDN’T YOU HAVE FUCKING WAITED UNTIL I GOT BACK TO THE BOAT? I HELPED YOU GUYS.

NPC LOGIC RIGHT THERE, FOLKS.

And then I only get paid $1500 for doing this mission.

POCKET CHANGE.

Oh well, another (glitchy) quest bites the dust.

Even though I was the one eating fireballs.

(Image Credits: UESP Wiki, Unknown)

(Can you tell I haven’t been very inspired to write lately? :P)

(EDIT: Oh, apparently if you fast-travel back to Japhet’s Folly, you get stuck there, just like if you return to Misty Grove in the quest A Night To Remember. Fix this, Bethesda!! …I might have missed something. XP)