Posts Tagged ‘Courier’

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Mini Post: Naked Courier Service

June 12, 2012

So, I was itching for another dragon fight and wandering around dragon hot spots like I usually do, when I was stopped by this…

“OH, HAY THAR. I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOUUU~~”
(Image Source: skyrimglitches.tumblr.com)

Well, actually, all I saw was a naked man running towards me, so my initial reaction was to back away…slowly…

“Oh hey, I have a letter for you.”

…A courier?!

A NAKED COURIER?!

WTF?

Did…did I or some bandits have some past run in with you and stole all your belongings or something…? Or were you at that drinking party I had with Sam Guevenne or what…?

“A letter. Won’t say who he was. Just that he’s a friend of yours.”

Yeah, yeah. I’ll take the letter. Now why are you naked? Is this a special telegram service or something and you’ll start giving me a Nord-style lap dance or something, buddy?

“Well, that’s it. Gotta go. Important deliveries to make.”

MORE LIKE IMPORTANT CROTCH THRUSTS, AMIRITE?!

Well, apparently this is a pretty common glitch, so that naked courier is really making the rounds, huh?

HOOOOOOO~~

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The Most Inopportune Moments

February 2, 2012

Why does weird shit always seem to happen here?

I had my main character, Lilian, fast travel to the city of Winterhold. As I began walking through the snow covered streets, I heard a roar from above and thought, “Great.” Above, a dragon circled a few times before landing just in front of me. As I readied my sword, the dragon hit me with a blast of ice breath. I began to raise my shield to defend…

“Here, this came for you.”

A courier entered dialogue with me as I was getting assaulted by this dragon onslaught. Momentarily caught off guard, I paused a moment thinking…”WTF are you doing here?!” I mashed the B button to exit dialogue as quickly as I could, and got my letter (which I forgot to read for a long while after that…you see, I had more important things to occupy my time at the moment). As I readied my bow to hit the dragon who had flown back into the sky, I heard a scream from behind me.

“I’m getting out of here!!” screamed the courier.

“You should have done that in the first place!!” I yelled.

After Marcurio and I downed the dragon and looted a few dead guard bodies, we walked past the courier again, who seemed perfectly back to normal. “Nope. Sorry. Nothing.” He said to us.

We looked at him for a moment.

“Nope. Sorry. Nothing.”

We began walking towards the college.

“Nope. Sorry. Nothing.”

I almost wish the dragon had ate him. But you have to admit, they really go all out of their way to get some letters delivered. Only a Skyrim courier can get the job done right.

I'll give you a goddamn arrow in the knee...

It happened again a little while later.

A blood dragon had attacked the farms outside of Whiterun. By myself this time, I began to take down the dragon (carefully) by firing as much arrows into its scaly hide as much as possible. Eventually, the dragon ended up close enough to have citizens and farmers running, and attracted the attention of the city’s guards.

“Die dragon!!” they yelled as they fired their bows and arrows.

“Slay it! Slay the dragon!!” they screamed as they ready their swords and charged to the beast. Nothing phased them, not even the screams from the people around them, nor the sight of one of their fellow comrades becoming the dovah’s latest chew toy. Thankful for the help, I began hitting the dragon with all I had. We managed to dwindle down the dragon’s health two-thirds of the way before it began readying to take off again.

“Not so fast, you damned dragon!!” I screamed. I filled the air in my fictional character’s lungs and shouted…

“FUS RO DAH!!”

The dragon recoiled from the hit with a roar, but took off regardless. As I followed the dragon with my bow, ready to fire, my character yelped from a sudden hit from behind. I turned to see a whole army of Whiterun guards coming at me with their swords drawn. “What the hell?!” I yelled.

Running low on health and pretty sure I was going to die, I had no choice but to yield and hope they wouldn’t take me to jail. I had apparently hit them with my Thu’um accidently.

“You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?”

A roar from the distance.

I sighed. “Fine. You caught me. I’ll pay the bounty.” Which, by the way, was 40 gold.

“Smart woman. Now come along with me. We’ll take any stolen goods you have and you’ll be free to go. After you pay the fine, of course.” Smug bastard.

When I left Dragonsreach and ran as fast as I could to get outside of the city’s gates once more, it was too late, the dragon was gone.

Fuck.

I raged for awhile after that.

Kharjo and I were walking towards a dungeon I had previously cleared, but had not looted properly because I became over-encumbered. I brought him along to act as another storage container.

Again, a dragon arrived, an ice dragon this time, and it landed in front of me, blowing snow and dirt in my face. As I readied for the attack, it hit me with a blast of ice. Hiding behind my shield, I waited for the attack to cease. Suddenly, the camera flipped over to somewhere to my left, and an Argonian stood beside me.

“You and Sam owe me 10,000 gold.”

What the fuck?!

Not really giving a shit what this guy had to say, I skipped through his dialogue and exited, and he began attacking me. Not giving much of a shit but finding him still somewhat irritating, I sheathed my weapons anyway (the dragon was airborne at this time).

He sheathed his weapons as well. “You are not worth it,” he says as he began walking away. Then the dragon landed and promptly ate that son of a lizard.

And that, my friends, was the end of Deep-In-His-Cups.

Image credits: UESP Wiki, Elder Scrolls Wiki.

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