Posts Tagged ‘SPOILERS’

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Fallout 4 – First Impressions (Part 1)

November 30, 2015

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Alright, so I caved this Black Friday and bought myself a PS4. And of course, Fallout 4.

Now of course the first thing I’m gonna do when I get home is set up that system and pop that disc in, and I eagerly awaited for it to install, despite having no idea how to use the PS4’s system. Oh well.

Of course I had to sit through the entire S.P.E.C.I.A.L video series, but hey I didn’t mind.

“War…war never changes.”

Here we go.

“When my great-grandfather fought in World War II…”

Wait, wait, what? I sat really confused for a few seconds then remembered the game starts in 2077, not in the 1950’s. Derp. I’m a terrible Fallout fan, shame me.

So I sat through that but got distracted by cat so I didn’t catch most of it. Anyway, turns out we’re reminiscing in a foggy bathroom mirror while rubbing our sexy chiseled man-chin (which I took a few minutes to make look aesthetically pleasing, gotta have sexy husbando).

Anyway, I selected to play female, shoving my husband out of the way so I can get to the mirror, and after messing around a bit I ended up making a redhead with freckles, because…why not. I’m sure my husband enjoyed my magically morphing face…it’s amazing what make-up can do nowadays!

Let me say I made my man pretty handsome too. Unfortunately, since I just got the PS4 I only learned about the share button a little while later, so no selfie pics, sorry.

What's better than a robot babysitter?

What’s better than a robot babysitter?

I do like Codsworth. I used to hold the previous notion that Mr.Handys were kinda creepy, but that’s just my mistrust of robots (don’t ask, they just look hella deadly to me). “Hello, Mum. Coffee?” Oh yessss. This is the life.

So let’s talk about this other-enthusiastic Vault sales guy. Good lord he is annoying as hell. “Vault-Tec calling!” (extreme gestures for some reason)

Me: “What do you want?”

Sales guy: “Congratulations! You’ve been selected to enter into our Vault…” –(extreme hand gestures again like there’s a giant sparkling light in the sky and we’re in fucking Hollywood or something)– “VAULT ONE-OH-ONE!”

Me: “That’s nice. Now fuck off.”

Sales guy: “Now I know you’re a busy woman–BUT VAAAAAAAAULTS.”

Me: “Alright, alright. Fine. Sign me up.”

I name myself Ginger…because I’m fucking witty…and tada, got my S.P.E.C.I.A.L. High perception, charisma, and agility. Woo. Finally the annoying man leaves and I turn back to my husband, Nate.

Nate: “It’s a piece of mind.”

Me: “Oh yeah? I was about to give him a piece of my mind.”

So I go play with my baby and he’s cute I guess (why the hell is his name Shaun? Now I’ll never stop thinking about that glitchy ending to Heavy Rain… “SHAAAAAAAAAAUNNNN!”), spin the spinny thing and Codsworth is freaking the fuck out oh great now what.

babby shauuwn

babby shauuwnnn

My TV says bombs fell and of course the bomb alarm goes off–gee wizz, glad we signed up for being Vault dwellers not even five minutes ago! Perfect timing! So Nate grabs the baby and we all start running to the Vault, which also is…convienently set just down the street. Damn we are lucky sons of bitches, aren’t we?

Shut the fuck up. I still think this game is pretty. I played medium-rez vanilla Skyrim for 4 years. This shit is an improvement.

Shut the fuck up. I still think this game is pretty. I played medium-rez vanilla Skyrim for 4 years. This shit is an improvement.

Of course since I wanted to be funny and show my friend what happens when you run the wrong way, you blow up. Yeah, it’s funny the first time but I did it twice, because I have a weird sense of misdirection, so whoops. I do like how the game set the atmosphere for this part, though–it created a sense of urgency as you’re running for your life. The Vault has a gate check of course–found it kinda funny how the Vault salesman got denied–clearly they don’t pay the man enough– “You’ll be hearing from my agent!!” Ehhh considering how me and my fam barely make it in I’m pretty sure he’s a dead guy or a ghoul now, hehehe. IT’S THAT PERFECT TIMING AGAIN.

I swear in real life if an atom bomb went off that close we'd fucked already.

I swear in real life if an atom bomb went off that close we’d fucked already.

So we go down into the Vault and already my skin’s crawling (maybe I’m slightly claustrophobic, or maybe because in every single game Vaults have never been good thing?), and we’re directed into “cleaning pods” to “decontaminate” us from the nuclear detonation. Makes sense, but I’m not a fucking idiot, I don’t think decontamination pods are supposed to be all frozen and drippy. Nevertheless, not having much of a choice I’m strapped in and the thing closes, and I’m left looking at my husband holding my son (why does he have the baby?!), and we all freeze.

…These Vault-tec fuckers. Cryogenic sleep, huh. Fuck you guys.

So I wake up…sorta…and see some people open my husband’s pod. Apparently they want my kid, and the fucking SHOOT MY HUSBAND, I MEAN WAS THAT FUCKING NECESSARY? ASSHOLES.

What’s even worse is that you can’t do shit. Some baldy asshole that shot my son just leaves my dead husband there, takes my baby and gives me the “haha” stare and fucks right off like, “yay, mission accomplished!” Yeah, well, fuck you, you family wrecker. Asshole.

So a little while later (?) I end up unfrozen due to a malfunction in the Vault, but course by the time I get out IO can’t do anything for Nate, he’s fucking dead. I take his wedding ring and swear my revenge on the fuckers that killed him and to find Shaun.

R.I.P. in pieces.

Dead husband popsicle.

I rush through the Vault punching radroaches (fuck those things), find some weak-ass 10mm pistol, and run through till I find the Vault computer and learn that this whole Vault was an experiment to see how long they can leave us in cryo stasis. Gee guys, thanks. I mean you got my consent because YOU FUCKING TRICKED ME. Fuck you, Vault-Tec.

Anyway, I finally find the exit. Now what I like when you leave it plays the Fallout theme, so it feels really epic and you rise to the surface again. That was a nice touch.

…I guess it’s time to see what’s changed.

Next: Returning Home (First Impressions – Part 2)

Image Credits: All screenshots taken by me. Please do not repost with my permission.

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Top 10 Dragon Shouts

July 31, 2015

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Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve done a top 10 list of anything, so I’d figure a list for the best and most useful shouts (in my opinion) was an order. Of course, this ranking is pretty loose, I tried setting them in order but like most gameplay elements shouts have more usefulness depending on the situation.

Also mild spoilers.

Anyway, let’s get to it!

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Touching the Sky – DAWNGUARD (Part 4 – Final)

May 31, 2015

This post is a continuation. To read the previous entry, click here.

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So off to Darkfall Cave. And they aren’t lying. It’s dark as fuck. And basically after wandering around blindly for a few minutes, I come across a bridge. And by now I know how this works. Of course the bridge fucking breaks. And wee, I fall down into a raging river below and ride the waves for who knows how long, until I get dumped in an even darker part of the cave. Yay.

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DAWNGUARD (Part 3)

March 30, 2015

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Well off into the Shadow Realm Soul Cairn!

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DAWNGUARD (Part 2)

January 30, 2015

This post is a continuation. You can read the previous entry here.

TESV 2014-11-13 21-30-43-29

Excuse my slightly angry tone in this entry, I had a bad day at work.

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DAWNGUARD (Part 1)

November 30, 2014

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Alright, it took me awhile to get around to it, but I finally began the Dawnguard questline.

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Top 10 Glitches of Skyrim

July 31, 2013

Here’s a list of my top 10 weird Skyrim glitches, in no particular order. If you’re a player of this game, I’m sure you’ve encountered at least one of them before!

Click each header for video examples (when available)!

Backwards Dragon

omg-is-that-a-backwards-flying-dragon-in-skyrim

Out of all of the glitches on this list, I think this is probably the most infamous one of all. Back around Skyrim’s launch, a lot users reported having dragons flying backwards or just spinning around. Unfortunately, I never got to experience the backwards flying weirdness, but I did get a lot of spinning dragons that disappear into the sky, or swallowed up into mountains.

Sabertooth Cat/Spinning Creatures

sabertooth

This glitch is pretty much like above, except with dead animals or people perhaps being possessed by some supernatural force and throw into the sky. The video linked is probably the funniest example I’ve seen by far. I’ve only had spinning dragons, unfortunately, including Paarthurnax and an Elder dragon.

Naked NPCs

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“Nope, sorry. Nothing.”
You mean your clothes?
(Image Credit: skyrimglitches.tumblr.com)

And no, I’m not talking about completely naked ass and tits. There’s plenty of mods for that.

My sister, who doesn’t play Skyrim much told me once she was exploring around Winterhold, saw three naked men come over the horizon. What. I swear Nords must never feel the cold, but their nipples must be forever rock hard, wow. Marcurio pulled the same stunt on me, running up behind me with nothing but a dragon priest mask on.

Me: “OH BY THE DIVINES MARCURIO YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! …Wait, why are you naked? WHERE IS ALL THE SHIT I GAVE YOU?”

Marcurio: “I AM AN APPRENTICE WIZARD, NOT A PACK MULE!”

Me: “DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD DROP ALL MY SHIT, JACK ASS!”

And then there’s the naked courier, they bring you the fan mail…and the fan service. Where does he pull the letters from? From between his butt cheeks, of course!

Secret Chests AKA “Do Not Delete”

(Image Credit: twiz60 @ SkyrimNexus)

(Image Credit: twiz60 @ SkyrimNexus)

More of an exploit than a glitch. Apparently if you carry a plate or other kind of object and run at certain walls in just the right angles you can break into a secret room, sparsely decorated sans chest in the middle of the floor. There’s a few more things that involve some weird glitching out to get to, apparently they’re merchant chests used by the developers and not meant to be reachable by normal means.

Moving Mannequins

Image Credit: The Elder Scrolls Wiki

(Image Credit: The Elder Scrolls Wiki)

Probably the creepiest of the bunch, is the moving mannequins in Riften. If you bought Honeyside and been in the cellar, you’ve probably experienced it before. If you leave the house and come back, the mannequins tend to move on their own and reappear in odd places, almost like someone broke in and moved them or they have some sort of life of their own…

Back from the Dead

"I'm back from the dead and you still haven't proven your puny ass yet, whelp." (Image Source: UESP Wiki)

“I’m back from the dead and you still haven’t proven your puny ass yet, whelp.”
(Image Source: UESP Wiki)

Skjor is most infamous of all for this glitch. If you’ve done the Companions story, you know he dies near the beginning of the quest line. Problem is…he doesn’t seem to stay dead. You can usually find him wandering Skyrim with various members of the Companions, like nothing happened to him at all. For me, when he came back to life he moved by lying face down and sliding along the ground. Probably one of the strangest (and amusing) glitches I’ve ever encountered.

Facelessness

I’ve never encountered this glitch but apparently you can trigger it by donning the arch mage robes and wearing a dragon priest mask. Not exactly game breaking, but amusing none the less. If you’re on PC, a simple google search should yield you a fix if it bothers you that much.

Swimming in the Air

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Sometimes, when you get tired of trekking around Skyrim on foot or horse…you just gotta try something new. How about swimming, on land? Apparently the swimming animation can trigger randomly, usually around bodies of water. I’ve encountered this glitch myself, but in my case, while amusing it was actually quite helpful!

Lydia’s Favourite Chair

"Tell him to get the fuck outta my chair!"

“Tell him to get the fuck outta my chair!”

I’m not quite sure if they patched this recently (probably), but this glitch annoyed me so much that I moved out of Whiterun just because I was so tired of Lydia’s “Welcome back, my Thane” while she ate bread and watched me sleep. Excuse me, don’t you have your own damn room?! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS IN THAT CHAIR?! IT’S SO GODDAMN CREEPY!

Spinning Horse & Cart

A glitch on this list that’s actually game breaking, but still hilarious to see. Too bad it happens so early in the game you don’t even get to play. It was quickly patched soon after launch, but this video sums it up pretty well. I still laugh every time.

Special Mentions

Horse tricks – Random encounters of people standing on horses.
Falling through the floor – It happens.
Disappearing houses.
Missing textures.
Glowing eyes – Super annoying in first person, it’s a permanent glitch encountered occasionally after using Aura Whisper. Not sure if it ever got patched, hope it did.
NPCs ignoring you and not triggering missions. – Super annoying, usually fixable by loading an earlier save, or killing an enemy nearby.
Enemies not attacking you, even when you’re right in front of them.
Water hates you – PS3 players, you no doubt remember this. Everytime you entered a body of water, the game crashed.
Shadowmere/Frost/Horses disappearing.
Louis Letrush duplicating himself just outside of Whiterun.
Getting stuck in unusual places. – It happens, especially on rocky terrain. Usually you need to reload an earlier save!

There’s plenty more glitches in Skyrim, after all, this is a Bethesda game, but these are the ones that stood out most to me. Let me know in the comments which ones you’ve experienced, and which are your favourites! 🙂