Archive for September, 2014

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Mini Post: Early Honeymoon

September 30, 2014

So, after a good few days of adventuring with my hired hand, Marcurio, I decided to put on the Amulet of Mara and give it a shot.

Marcurio: “Is…is that an Amulet of Mara?”

Me: “Yep. You interested in this fine ass of a booty?”

Marcurio: “…You mean, are you interested in my fine ass booty?”

So then we decided to get married.

 

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I’m not going to lie, I’ve married Marcurio before. I have no idea why I like him so much. Maybe because he fights well? Or maybe it’s because he’s Sass Master 3000, I don’t know. Marrying anyone else at this point just feels kinda wrong…

So basically, because I’m an idiot I accepted the marriage quest, but I had nothing to wear besides some shitty Elven armor I found. I decided to go shopping really quick in Solitude, grab some nice fancy ass clothes from Radiant Raiment, because why the fuck not? Of course, I easily got sidetracked.

“Oooh! A circlet with +15% archery!! GOTTA GET DAT SHIT!!”

…Then I ran out of money, but that problem is easily solved by more robbery.

Finally, I bought some shitty fancy clothes for myself, and got an outfit for Marcurio. I have the mod “Amazing Follower Tweaks” or something along that line, so I tried to set Marcurio’s city wear to the nice clothes instead of his usual mage’s robes. Well…that ended up being completely unsuccessful, so I just eventually said “fuck it!” and went to go meet him at the chapel the next day.

 

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The saddest part is, as I walked in to the Temple of Mara…I had two guests. JUST TWO. ONE OF WHOM I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW. Of course Lydia was there, but as I walked up the altar was I was wondering who the fuck this other guy was the entire time.

What a lonely life.

But whatever, the important thing I was getting married!

Seriously, who the fuck is this guy? The stable hand from Whiterun? I don't know.

Seriously, who the fuck is this guy? The stable hand from Whiterun? I don’t know.

Blah blah, Priest goes through the speech. Marcurio’s staring at my beautifulness of course.

Then it’s time to exchange vows.

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Awww. ❤

Then, it was my turn. And at last, we’ll be married.

Priest; “Do you agree to be bound together, in love, now and forever?”

Hell yeah. Of course. I DO!!

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Um.

Uh.

Excuse me, Marcurio.

…Did…did you just unlock an achievement with your penis?!

 

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Uh, thanks?

…I just found out my husband is a exhibitionist. Oh shit–

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Goddamn it, I know wearing armor and battle clothing is taxing after a hard day’s work, but could you wait until we left the temple before we started the honeymoon!?

Marcurio: (walks out of the Temple shameless, in all his glory).

You know what? Fuck it.

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Me: (takes off all my clothes and follows after my naked husband)

Guard:  “Gonna cold tonight, you should at least cover your delicates. Might get a bit nippley.”

…Shit.

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