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Mini Post: Malacath’s Wrath

June 28, 2012

(I rhymed there. You like that?!)

So about a week ago, I was venturing across Riften (mostly on and off as a werewolf, faster traveling FTW), looking for adventure between filling various mini-quests. I stumbled across Largashbur. The first time I came across it, a giant was attacking and there was this orc mage throwing ice spikes into his face. I decided to help her out, and together we took down the giant.

…After I picked its toe, I went back to the stronghold and tried to enter. It was was locked. So, I tried to talk to their lookout.

Nothing.

I jumped up and down.

Nothing.

I thought of putting an arrow into her face to see if that could grab her attention…but on second thought, a whole tribe of orcs coming after me wasn’t exactly…the most appealing idea. o____o

Let me, let me in! Or I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll fucking FUS RO DAH your door down.

So, I did what every good adventuring Dovahkiin does.

I left that fortress of solitude without another word.

Bad ass-ly.

…Hold on a sec, this story has more to it.

I ended up back there a few hours later on another random misc. quest. This time, I ended up in the mountains ABOVE the orc camp. Looking down, I shouted my Ethereal shout and jumped, hoping it wouldn’t wear off before I hit the bottom.

“AAAHHHHH!!” I screamed and landed by the blacksmith’s hut.

No one seemed to notice.

I snuck around and rolled like the stealthy-bad ass I was, and came up behind the mage.

“Boo,” I whispered.

Atub: (doesn’t afraid of anything) “Giants have been attacking here because we’re cursed. Please save us, whoever you are.”

“I’m the mighty DOVAHKIIN!!”

“Just shut up and help.”

“K.”

“Bring me some troll fat and a Daedra heart.”

“ALREADY GOTS IT, HUZZAH!!”

She didn’t look to thrilled. But then again, orcs usually don’t look that thrilled about anything.

QUEST STARTED: THE CURSED TRIBE

After interviewing several unhelpful orcs, I talked to the chief.

…And he was a pussy.

No wonder you all are cursed.

Doomed.

Forever.

Pussy.

Orc Chief: “Blah blah blah.”

So we all go out after much convincing for Chief Yamarz to take part, and the mage/priestess starts talking to Malacath at the shrine.

“OH MIGHTY MALACATH, ANSWER OUR CALL, I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID DURING THIS CUTSCENE, BUT COME TALK TO US.”

Silence.

Orc Chief: “I knew this was a waste of time. I’m gonna go sleep some moar.”

All of a sudden, a booming voice comes down from the sky…

“YOU WEAK, PATHETIC MORTALS.”

Orc Mage: “Malacath speaks!!” =O

“AND YOU, CHIEF YAMARZ, ARE A PATHETIC PUSSY WHO IS NOT FIT TO LEAD THIS TRIBE.”

Yamarz: “…I’m…not a pussy.”

“SO I CURSED YOU ALL. HAHAHA.”

…Meanwhile, I’m kinda waiting for something awesome to happen, or be told do more objectives, because let’s face it, how often do you do a quest where you just TALK? Not very often, at least not with orcs. They prefer talking with their fists, kinda similar to how Nords do.

Anyway, Malacath continues his tirade.

“YOU ARE ALL WEAK, PATHETIC LITTLE PUSSIES. I’M SO ANGRY I COULD–”

And then a flash of lightning. And the world was plunged into darkness.

The power went out at my house.

Malacath’s rage was so hard, he killed the power.

Damn, that’s a pretty strong Daedra.

And that was that.

(Image Credits: UESP Wiki)

(…Yes, I realize this post was pretty pointless. Perhaps I’ll finish writing about this quest later. The ending was pretty funny. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow.)

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2 comments

  1. pointless post = funny as hell. I am glad I found this page, good stuff. Look forward to reading more.


    • Thank you! I’m really glad you enjoyed the post. Your comment put a smile on my face. 🙂

      Perhaps I’ll post part 2 sometime in the upcoming week. I actually did enjoy this quest…once the power came back on and I could actually start playing it again. 😉

      I’ll be sure to check out your blog as well! 😀



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