Hail Sithis!

March 1, 2012

“What is life’s greatest illusion?” …Uh, the one were you saw the lady in half? DOES ANYONE ELSE NOT LOVE THE DOOR’S DARK WHISPER-Y VOICE?

So, I just finished the Dark Brotherhood questline this week. It’s been pretty fun (and a bit annoying annoying at times), I’ve definitely learned a few tricks to be more “stealth-like” and how to carry out the perfect assassination.

…I’ve also learned how quickly shit can hit the fan.

The following contains spoilers for the entire Dark Brotherhood questline.

The Beginning

When I went to visit the Aretino kid in Windhelm, I went in with a bit of an idea what was going to happen (the kid doing the Black Sacrament, etc.). What I didn’t expect, however, was his total enthusiasm in seeing me.

“I knew you would come! I knew it!”

…Uh huh. I wonder just how many days you’ve been waiting for me to show up. This house is completely bare. What the hell are you eating, kid?

So after I agreed to go kill “Grelod the KIIIINND, but she is NOOOOT KIND”, I messed up his shit (The Black Sacrament) and proceeded to Riften and killed Grelod with no issue at all (she was sleeping at the time). However, when I left the room I was accosted by 50 kids all saying how murder is great, so wonderful!!

…Especially that one girl.

…You know who I’m talking about.

So I leave and the guard is like…”Psst. I know who you are. Hail Sithis!!” Made me laugh. XD


Like a boss…oh wait, she is one.

Okay, Astrid is pretty damn sexy. When I woke up in the strange room and saw her sitting on the shelves, one arm resting on her knee, her leg swinging off the shelf, I thought, “Woah. Bad ass.”

Then I had a choice to kill three people.

Let’s see…

Eenie, Meenie, Miny, Moe…who will be the first to go?

The Khajiit made me laugh. I just thought he was funny, plus he’s kin (as I played Khajiit), so he’s out…

The Nord male was pretty pathetic…but he has a point.

The Nord housewife was just a bitch. A huge bitch. And I admire that in a person, in the face of adversity.

…Unfortunately, this is game, and bitches are bitches and they always die.

…So I killed her.

In hindsight, I probably could have killed them all (when I came back several in-game months later…the two males were still there with the bags over their heads…those poor, poor souls). But hey, Astrid was satisfied, so I was satisfied, and there the dark descent into madness began.

The Welcoming

Meeting the Family was nice, but they just didn’t seem as welcoming (and naive?) as the Family in Oblivion was. The Sanctuary was bigger, or, at least, it seemed like it was. The only thing I didn’t like was Babette’s pet spider. Urgh…it made the most annoying noises too.

The first few contracts I got I completely sucked at. My sneaking ability at the time wasn’t exactly the greatest (neither was my patience), but I quickly learned and used the sneak attack with the dagger to my advantage (too bad daggers suck so hard, I’d actually prefer to dual-wield them). Eventually, things became way too easy…for example, the one woman I had to kill, who said, JUST before I killed her…

Woman: “I wish I could just sleep forever!”


I lol’d at that one.

Cicero, The Night Mother & Shadowmere

As expected, Cicero made his appearance with his creepy dead mother into the Sanctuary shortly after I arrived. I just ignored him for the most part, and went along with my contracts as usual.

The one mission that was sort of creepy was Astrid telling me to hide in the Night Mother’s coffin so I could eavesdrop on Cicero. Really? Really? I mean, not only is that disrespectful, but it’s downright creepy. I don’t think I want to get to know the Night Mother THAT closely.

“Ummm…how’s it going?”

Thankfully my TV set had the screen dark enough so I didn’t get all the grisly details.

And when the coffin popped open after she talked to me and Cicero got all mad…I was like…”You jealous, bro?”

(Seriously, the jester’s devotion to the corpse is just short of being downright creepy, but I guess this is what Bethesda intended…)

When Cicero went stabby stabby on the Argonian Brother, I wasn’t that surprised either. I did, however, rush through the quests in anticipation for Shadowmere. And boy, I wasn’t disappointed. As soon as Astrid mentioned her horse I was out of the Sanctuary before she finished her sentence.

And there he was, oh glorious Shadowmere. How I missed you. Except I can’t understand how you got a sex change…ohwhatever, come here you!!

Shadowmere: (rises out of the bubbly black pond just looking bad ass) “……”

Me: 😀

…And thusly we rode off into the sunset.

The End.

No, no. Just kidding.

I had to go “kill” Cicero.

To be honest I went there with full intentions of doing so, but Lucien tried to persuade me otherwise (TRIED, among his incessant chatting), apparently Sithis adored the jester, along with the Night Mother (who I guess I felt a bit sorry for, having to listen to Cicero rant and rave all those years). So I went to Dawnstar, told Arbjorn to go home, and went in not really knowing what to expect.

And man, that fight was a huge bitch. Geez, Lucien wasn’t any help at all. Neither was my follower, and I died a great many times to the Brotherhood’s ghosts, all the while listening to Cicero’s voice bouncing off the walls.

After countless number of tries failing to even reach Cicero, I just dispatched the first few ghosts (with great difficulty), snuck by the Frost Troll (yeah, like I’m gonna take that on), and chugged an Invisibility potion before running like mad and hoping no one would see me.

…It sorta worked. Sorta.

I managed to get to the room, but I died.

Somehow I got respawned, the ghosts were all gone, and finally, finally, I could get to this showdown with the Keeper.

Like a kicked puppy…an emotionally disturbed, evil little puppy.

“Oh is that you, Listener?”

Then he says he’d let me kill him. I highly doubted it, and as I readied my Elven Dagger…

…I just couldn’t do it.

Silently, I turned around and left him there. Alive.


…God, I hope I’m not going to regret this.

Death of an Empire

To be honest, I found it kind of ironic I was going to kill the Emperor of Tamriel, especially after I stormed Ulfric’s castle and promptly killed him the name of the empire.

Yep, I’m your best soldier. On to assassinate the very person you stand for. Yay.

The quest(s) kind of flew by in a blur, to be honest. I had a hard time killing the chef at Markarth, mainly because his damned assistant wouldn’t stop looking at me.

Eventually I ended up crouching on the bed on top of the chef, waited for the eye indicator to close, and promptly stabbed him. Then I got the hell out of there. Mission accomplished.

Killing the Gourmet was a bit harder though, mainly because he started running like crazy (no, I didn’t kill him when he was sitting in his chair, dragging the body down to the wine cellar would have been a pain in the behind), so I killed him in the basement, and had a heck of a time trying to put him in a barrel. Naturally, it didn’t work, what with me being being a small, cute Khajiit killer, and him being a big, huge (chicken) orc. Woo.

“Oh, well, it’s just… I never imagined the Gourmet was a Khajiit. You know, because of all the fur, and the potential for getting hair in the…” …Do you really want to finish that sentence?

I think my absolute favourite part for the assassination was preparing the Potage Le Magnifique. Just put all the most randomest shit in, while staring down the assistant’s blouse wondering why the hell there’s a see-through spot right between her breasts. I actually laughed a lot (“A giant’s toe? Really?” “DON’T QUESTION THE CHEF!!”), and messing the dining table up while waiting for the Emperor’s death was kind of fun.

…And then it’s revealed I was betrayed.

…Getting out of Solitude wasn’t exactly hard, just run like hell.

Unfortunately, I left my follower behind, and had to sneak back into Solitude to get him later (I didn’t want to pay the bounty or go to jail, thank you, since I had tons of stolen items on me and no home to stash them in…).


The ruins of the Sanctuary. Geez. Fire everywhere. Summoning Lucien was pointless as fuck because he just walked into the fire and was no help at all. It was a sad sight, to see almost everyone dead at the hands of the Penitus Oculatus. They weren’t exactly hard, though I wish I could have saved my good werewolf friend…(sigh) Oh well.

Now, the guy attacking Nazir, geez, he was annoying. I died a lot, I’m pretty sure the fireballs came from HIM.

Once I took him out, the place started falling apart and the Night Mother called out to me and told me to take shelter in her coffin.

…Not again!

…You know the rest.

Astrid disappointed me, but I’m glad Nazir and Babette are still alive. They were pretty cool. And I got a cool dagger after all this trouble. Heck yes!!

Geez, Astrid…really? I’m not mad at you, maybe because you had such a sexy voice (but now you sound like a ghoul…). In fact, I just feel sorry for you. And I feel just a little bit bad. This was all my fault, really.

The Final Blow

Killing the actual Emperor was…fairly anti-climatic. He definitely reminded me of Uriel Septim in Oblivion, the way he accepted death so easily (then why did you put a decoy out for me in the first place…or was that just because of Astrid’s trap…?). I felt a bit bad, but I promised him I would kill the one who made the contract, so I promptly went back to Whiterun and promptly killed Amaund Motierre (no regrets or hesitation at all) after he told me where my reward was. I got precious gems, jewelry AND 20,000 septims out of the whole thing. Pretty sweet!! (Honestly, due to all the trouble, I thought having a bit more would have been nice, then I could have bought Proudspire Manor without having to break the wallet…or should I say, coin purse. :P)

…Of course Rexus was completely unaware of all this and merrily drank with his favourite drinking buddy, out friend Sinmir. Security terrible, indeed. XD

When I returned to the new Sanctuary in Dawnstar, I was greeted by the two survivors with a lot of praise and admiration. Good. It’s good to be respected. Now it’s time to relax and chill…

Well, after I talked to the Night Mother, of course.

Finished with my business awhile later, I made my way outside…

…And hello, Cicero.

Cicero: “Cicero is going to kill the Listener!!” (pulls out dagger)

Wait, what? You traitorous, little–

“Just kidding!! Cicero loves to joke!!”

Holy shit, almost had a heart attack there, mainly because I wasn’t expecting him.

Me: “Welcome back, friend.”

Cicero: “Yay!!” (dances around)

…And I dismissed my current follower in favor of taking Cicero around for awhile.

…And to be honest, I haven’t regretted it since.

In fact, the little bugger kind of grew on me.

Now he kind of grew on me like a Nordic Barnacle. I can’t really bring myself to get rid of him…he’s hella useful, that’s for damn sure. He doesn’t seem so annoying now, maybe I got used to it, I’m not exactly sure. But now his company actually seems kind of amusing (“Ooh, Listener! That tickles!!”), sad, (“Solitude…Lonely Cicero knows a thing or two about solitude…” *sniffle*), and endearing (“Humble Cicero lives to serve!”)…in a strange, slightly creepy kind of way.

…I guess that crazy little jester finally won me over.


Image Credits: UESP Wiki, The Elder Scrolls Wiki, Unknown

(Note: I’ll be fixing this blog post for errors pretty constantly for the next little while, as it took a long time to churn out, I kind of rushed to post it as soon as I finished. Sorry for the spelling mistakes, grammar, and general lack of coherence!)



  1. I always wondered what the reaction to Cicero would be from the dark brotherhood if you let him live, but seeing as he always freaking annoys and creeps me out I don’t hesitate to cut him from stim to stern. So how do Nazir and Babette react to Cicero?

    • As far as I could remember, I think they casually mention him when you return with him the first time once the whole Dark Brotherhood questline is finished (but aren’t too thrilled). Usually Cicero spends his time in the Dawnstar Sanctuary in front of the Night Mother’s coffin or dancing around in the dinning hall. As far as I know, Babette totally ignores him (and likewise he does to her), and I don’t recall Nazir saying anything, but if he did he’d probably tell him to scram!

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