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Glutton for Punishment

February 12, 2012

It was a cold winter night, as I approached the Imperial soldiers at our rendezvous-point upon my steed Shadowmere. I dismounted, and Lydia finally caught up to join us. We were about to storm into Fort Dunstad.

For the Empire! (Nevermind the fact I'm in the Dark Brotherhood and well upon my way to ultimately assassinate the Emperor...Oh, the irony!)

We took out the archers with ease, and stormed into the battle grounds. The fight was bloody, blades flying from both Stormcloaks and Imperials.

Sure, pull out your mace when I get close. Just stand still and take it, cheater.

When it finally was all over, I started looting the bodies for arrows and helmets before I skipped over to find Lydia, so she could be my storage container.

“Lydia? Where’d you go?” I called as the Imperials patrolled their newly acquired fort.

“Lydia…?”

And right there, between a dead Imperial and a dead Stormcloak, was a very dead Lydia.

Yes!!–I mean, NOOOOO!!!!

How am I supposed to cart back all my loot now?!

In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have equipped that Whiterun guard helmet on her…they look an awfully alike to the Stormcloak’s helmets…Maybe I killed her. (shug) Oh well.

(Later, I got a new follower, and so far he hasn’t died. Yay!)

I quickly ransacked what I could (which ultimately left Lydia in only her undergarments…), and proceeded (very slowly) to the exit, looking other dead bodies along the way.

You are over-encumbered and cannot run.

Thanks for the heads up. I guess the fact I’M MOVING AS SLOW AS A FUCKING HORKER WASN’T EVIDENCE ENOUGH.

You are over-encumbered and cannot run.

Ah hell, might as well pick up more shit, I don’t think I’m gonna get any slower than this.

Five minutes, three feet and two looted bodies later I spotted a farm-like building in the middle of the fort.

The house/tavern right there. Bottom-right, in case you have a hard time seeing it!

“Ooh, what’s this?!” I wondered, my curiosity getting the best of me. Unfortunately, a wooden barricade punched me in the stomach and I realized I couldn’t progress any further.

I tried jumping over the fence. Didn’t work.

I tried burning the sticks. Didn’t work.

As I was about to give up, I put the crosshairs over the door and realized I could actually enter, fuck yes!!

(I clicked the door.)

Entering the small house, I looted the place, some gold coins, food, other shit I can’t remember.

Once I figured I cleaned the place from top to bottom, I headed back towards the door with a big grin on my face. Ha! You can’t keep me out of treasure!!

Once the door opened, and I was back out into the cold Skyrim air, I realized I was stuck.

Fack.

I mean, clicking on the door worked to get in, but there’s nothing to click on to get out.

I tried jumping. Didn’t work.

I tried WULD!‘ing out, but that obviously didn’t work, either.

Shit.

I wished I actually had Shadowmere waiting RIGHT outside the door, maybe I could’ve just jumped on his back and took off without a problem. But he wasn’t there, so that was out of the question.

I thought of fast traveling, which would have been great…if I could actually fast travel while being over-encumbered.

Shit, looks like I might have to reload an earlier save…

But wait!

Maybe not!

Maybe if I dropped all my shit, or at least enough to be able to move, I could fast-travel out and just get it after! But…what if it disappeared? Could I fast travel to the location I’m already at? Wait…if I dropped shit behind the barricade…what if I can’t reach it after I come back for it? And click on the door again, effectively getting stuck again and then it would be an endless cycle and then…

Pah. Just THROW the shit over.

FUS-RO-DAH! wasn’t an option, since for my Khajiit, she only knew the FUS-RO part. But it would have been good to push the shit…but then who knows where it’ll end up.

So painstakingly, I dropped everything heavy, excited the inventory menu, and picked up every item, one by one, and began to toss them over the fence so I could hopefully pick them up later.

What work, holy crap.

Finally, when I managed to have 339/340, I went to my map menu, felt silly clicking on Fort Dunstad, fast traveled, picked up my shit one by one by mashing the “A” button, and slowly began creeping towards Shadowmere again.

Crisis adverted, this time.

Phew.

Next time…I need to be a little less greedy. And get a more durable.

One day I’m gonna get killed carting loot.

Wait, that already happened.

Why is it, no matter how much Stamina you upgrade, you still end up over-encumbered so quickly?!

I need to sell things more frequently…

Once, just to lose a bit of the weight on my back, I dropped an iron helmet in the streets of Solitude.

Woman: “Oh, excuse me, did you drop this?”

Me: “…No.”

Woman: “But I saw you.”

Me: “Psh. Okay, maybe I did. Keep it. When shit weighs more than it’s worth, it’s junk. Put it on, I’m sure it’ll look great on you.

Woman: “Thanks! I’m gonna equip this right away!”

Next time, I’m gonna drop all my cabbage in the Bee & Barb, and see how many people fight over it.

One day I might break Shadowmere’s back for being such a huge fatass, I swear.

Me: “More loot!! Yay!! (throws it onto Shadowmere’s back)

Shadowmere: (snort) TL: “I’M A EVIL HORSE, NOT A PACK MULE!”

Me: (doesn’t give a shit) 😀

I wish cheese wheels weren’t so heavy…

Mmmm, cheese…

Image Credits: UESP Wiki, The Elder Scrolls Wiki

(This post sounded a lot more exciting in my head…I guess the moral of the story is…Don’t get stuck in places you can’t fast-travel out of…and if you can…don’t be weighed down by extra shit.)

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One comment

  1. Suck a chees wheel fool



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