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Oh, Lydia.

February 8, 2012

Lydia beside her most favourite, most special chair in all of Skyrim…my chair.

You’re such a creeper, you. You stay in my house, eat my food, have your own bedroom and yet…you sit in the chair beside my bed. And eat bread.

All.

Day.

Long.

ME GUSTA?

NO.

GET OUT LYDIA.

I WANT SOME DAMN PRIVACY.

HOW ARE MARCURIO AND I GOING TO GET ANY SWEET LOVING DONE, WHEN YOU EAT BREAD AND STARE AT US ALL NIGHT, ALL DAY, FOREVER MORE (not that I get Lover’s Comfort anyway, since be being werewolf and all).

“Honored to you, my Thane.”

Honored my ass, GTFO my house and go back to Dragonsreach.

I couldn’t really kill her in my first game, because I wanted my character to be good as possible. But, I have heared dropping items like food might get the spouse and Lydia to fight over it. Of course, my money’s on Marcurio winning. …But then I’d have to move Lydia’s body out of sight…hmmm. I’ll have to try it.

Or, I could bring her on a dungeon/dragon hunting adventure and just hopes she gets herself killed. I dunno.

The only non-lethal way to get her off the goddamn chair and stop staring at me is to get someone else (such as Marcurio or myself) to sit in the chair. Then Lydia comes in the room, stops RIGHT beside the chair and looks down at Marcurio as if to say, “Bitch, that’s MY spot.” Then stands there looking completely lost. She doesn’t seem to know what to do with herself when someone else has took her spot. And now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her leave the second floor. It’s creepy.

"Tell him to get the fuck outta my chair!"

“Tell him to get the fuck outta my chair!”

I mean, this happens with Iona in Riften, but at least she MOVES.  So it’s not quite as creepy. And she talks a lot less, too. So yay.

I don’t really want to move back to Riften, since Whiterun is the central hub of things (plus one of the few locations that has a smelter + forge (well, two forges)). But hey.

Maybe I’ll “accidently” FUS RO DAH! her off a cliff. Or maybe I could get Odahviing to step on her or something. I dunno.

Oh, Lydia, Lydia, Lydia. Please GTFO.

Image CreditThe Elder Scrolls Wiki/IGN

PS: Yes, I know I can technically make her “wait” somewhere, but then I can’t have anymore followers. Plus, she comes back after 3 days. She’s like the cat came back. She just couldn’t stay away…

Meow?

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One comment

  1. You have no f***ing idea how hard this made me laugh.
    And I also married Marcurio 🙂



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